Just Be

I was.

but now I’m not. I thought what i did was making me happy but it didn’t and its not.

damn.

I am just going to be happy. I need this I want this. I deserve this

I need to just get over it all and move on.

THIS is my chance I gotta take it.

I know it will all work out on the otherside

She has no clue and omfg so happy.

He makes me feel so much better inside.

And the best part is we are not running with it we are walking and Its so great.

Your the best.

<3

So me and him

<3 <3 <3

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

But. We are both happy so yeah its alright

Sooooooooooo

I think I have a coworker that likes me. How fucking awkward.

And tonight everyone needed to take some “man the fuck up” pills cause it was pathetic.

I see the co-worker tomorrow night.

Let’s go Denny’s.

Music <3

Aloe Cucumber <3

Sweats <3

Tonight is magic right now

I hate people who make me reflect. I hate people who make me look at myself in the light. Because I don’t want to do that. I want to hide in shame and pretend I’m not who I am. There are some things that are just woven into me and to unweave them means to not be me. *sigh*

sure glad no one is reading this because it makes no sense.

:D

excited. hanging out today. I don’t even care about my meeting or the rain. I am just so damned excited to be out of my house. I have had a few bad days lately and I really need today to turn it around.

woo!

So I have found my potential new and exciting thing. It’s funny what a crush will do to you.

BUT I am no longer excited. Today sucks. Like really sucks. I only made 15 dollars last night and I cannot believe my luck.

Everyone seems to be in a horrible mood right now and the only thing that is seeming to fix it is shots. and I have no shots.

Well since I have all this horrible anger and irritation I might as well put it to good use and clean.

=/

So happy that it’s spring. Hoping for a good thunderstorm soon!

I am still forever on the search for my something new and exciting.

Looking forward to today. I know that today will be a great day and I will make it a great one :)

I hope your reading. and I really hope you don’t close or something stupid like that on Tuesday and I hope you show up to the dinner. I have a super rough week and I need someone just as sarcastic and cynical as me to talk to. Plus I hate them and I really only go to get out of the house and that’s no fun.

On other topics I’m going shopping. and I’m really happy. :) « that does NOT express my happy. lol

You better be there. :)

cold fingers. alee alee alee. contrast. I feel you know me better than i do. Lemons. Lime. spray. vanilla. picture. busy busy busy. SHOPPING :D. miss you. you better be there tuesday. gonna steal you as my best friend :).

Your not gonna reach my telephone. ;)

I know that we are young
And I know that you may love me
But I just can’t be with you like this anymore

oh well. I’ll never be on the top of the list for him. I may be “there” but I’m not “there”. Just a placeholding.

You know I love you boy, hot like Mexico.

Off to work soon. Thank god. I need out of this house. I need my damned weekend is what I need. Fuckin job.

Fuckin everything.

Color. Light. Birds. Headache. Stretched. Sides. Short toes. Stale air. Damp Pillow. Mildew. Singing. Flowers. Backwards, forwards, inwards, out. Aching. Busses. Grinding teeth. Goosebumps. Warm sleep. Content. Working working working. Beautiful. Excited. Anew. Spring rains.

I hope your reading this! Miss seeing you! :)

When will I cut him out. I don’t think ever.

I realized I’m not part of his life. Nowhere is there evidence of me. Unfortunately for I, It’s written all over my face, and for nine months I wore it under my sweater. I need to cut him out like he has obviously cut me out.

and ladies and gents we put a name to the relationship.

Yeah. Wiki that shit. It’s solid.

So I went from being ecstatic to being un-static. Great. Back to the same me. I do better without the change.

Chilled pavement.Sharp air.Clean Sheets.

It seriously can’t get anymore dramatic in here than if we were located in the girls bathroom at high school. It makes me sad that people thrive off of this and need this to get through there lives. Yes without drama our lives are less eventful but they are more fulfilling. I can think of MANY things I would rather do than sit and stew about drama. Maybe I can get a word in edgewise tonight before work. Let’s hope not. If I do then I’ll have that angry spark of energy to get me through the day.

I feel pretty today! :) My back doesn’t hurt and I feel hopeful and excited. ahhhhhhh. I am going to hold on to these feelings as long as my soul lets me. I feel artistic too. Which just works for me because it makes me express it in so many ways. I have a list of things to do and a WHOLE day to do them! I cannot express how I feel right now.

Well off to accomplish…something.

Off to work shortly. I’ll be seeing you all later. Everyone will be out partying and having a grand ol time. Then I will have to wait on them later at work. Ouuuuuuuch. What an awesome night. Too bad the only other weekend I get to take off is to work but not get paid for it. Even more Ouuuuuuuuuch. Oh and then lets not forget the VACATION hours I have to use to go help my aunt in Texas. Yes. Yes. Let’s just USE Liz why not. She’s there for our bidding right?

Yep. Just to clarify I am. Use away folks.

Off to work for another useless night. I consider it useless if I walk away without 80 bucks. Esp. because it usually means I’ve run my ass off for nothing. Like last night. Oh well Maybe I’ll just put all this frustrated energy into cleaning something at work. Yeah that should work.

Later.

In a world where I thought I mattered I have never yet felt so small as I did today. I feel as though my words are not powerful enough. I feel I fail at doing something right. I have a semi regular at work. Now mind you I find him creepy and crazy yet when he came in tonight with his date I was hurt. Not because I like him or feel an attraction towards him I just felt ignored. So right at that moment after you’ve finished your last bites of food I went in and decided that my fills of sugar and salt were more important. I sat and overheard there conversation. It was awkward I could tell but there was more. I felt he was trying to make me jealous….? Well what ever it was it worked because I was in some way upset. His little girlfriend seemed to give me a dirty look after I wished them a good night and a see ya around. I was then happy.

I come home to a messy house, an ungrateful boyfriend and (what seems to me as) a stack of problems. Just more to sweep under the rug. Good times. Good times.